Sunday, March 3, 2013

New Chapters

I'll be honest. Since Seth died, I dislike "new chapters".  Something about the concept of 'starting over' feels a lot like 'leaving behind'.  I don't want Seth left behind.  Just because he's not a daily part of our lives, doesn't mean he's not part of our family, for eternity even.

Nonetheless, he is NOT here and NOT part of our daily lives.

A lot of time has passed.  Since Seth. Since I blogged last.

We are doing well.  Really.  It surprises me a bit sometimes.  Seth would be turning five the end of this month. FIVE.  Five is Kindergarten and end of early childhood.  I just had a conversation with Cary this morning about the fact that Seth would be five and it's hard to wrap our brains around all that.  

Over New Year's, a friend on Facebook posted the six questions that James Lipton asks as part of "The Actor's Studio" interviews.  I only remember the sixth question; "What do you want to hear God say when you get to Heaven?"  For a long time after Seth died, my reaction to Heaven was along these lines:  I could go to Heaven ANYTIME and be reunited with Seth and oh yeah, Jesus will be there too.  That has changed.  

After a bit of thought, my answer to that question is this:
:Well done good and faithful servant!  SETH, your mama is here!".

The more I thought about that answer the more I liked the picture of Seth being so busy playing in Heaven, God has to get his attention for me when I get there.  Yup, for now, I can live with that.

2 comments:

Marsha @Spots and Wrinkles said...

Sometimes what we must "live with" and what we hope for are so far apart that only faith can fill the gap. Fortunately He is still giving us that gift.

Glad you are do well. Blessings to you - now, and at that happy moment of reunion.

Brenda Lazzaro Yoder, said...

Thank you so sharing here Kathryn. A friend recently lost her 4th son. He had CF and had received a lung transplant but his liver failed in the process. They are walking in the emptiness of life without. Thank you for sharing here. I know many women walk your journey and your voice is encouraging to them.